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My new startup: 1-900-SELECT

Working at Percona has taught me to love being disruptive and creating innovative pricing models. In particular, their pay-as-you-go pricing in 15-minute increments, plus the ability to go from first contact to having them logged in and working in a few minutes with just a credit card, has been game-changing. I’ve always wanted to take that to the next level and create a new business, offering MySQL services with a radically simple pricing model.

Well, now I have. I’m offering the option to pay by the minute for MySQL consulting and support. And you don’t even need a credit card or approval from your boss. Best of all, I’ll talk geeky to you while I do it. Just call 1-900-SELECT and in no time at all, I’ll be fixing your servers while saying things like “I love the way you bash me with those shell scripts, you naughty boy! I’m gonna make you ‘friend class Baron’ so you’ll have access to my protected variables!”

Note: this is a joke; if you call 1-900-SELECT, I have no idea who will pick up the phone, and I’m not responsible for any charges.

Posted on Fri, Apr 1, 2011. Approximately 200 Words.

Databases