Are you a winner? Or are you going to let life get you back on your heels and make you into a failure? Because remember, if you lose, it means you’re a loser. By definition.

Here’s the surprising truth about what winners do and how they do it, and how you can too.

Winners Always Win

You can always identify a winner right away, because they’re the ones who are winning. Why did they win? Because they’re winners. Why are they winners? Because they win.

Winners Have Winning Strategies

If you picked a strategy and it didn’t result in winning, it’s because you picked the wrong strategy, and you’re a failure.

Winners Don’t Let Failure Define Them

You miss all the shots you don’t take. You need to experience failure in a positive way. You only need to win once to be a winner, but if you stop short of winning, you’re a failure. Go ahead. Throw more good money after bad. If you don’t, you’ll never know if this time will be that one time that you finally win. Besides, the best way to learn how to do things is to learn how not to do them by failing at them, just like the best way to live is to not die. On that note, the best way to be a winner is to not be a loser.

Winners Don’t Believe In Privilege, Only In Positive Thinking

You were born to a wealthy family and you went to a great school because you are a winner. If you weren’t born to a wealthy family and you didn’t go to a great school, but you’re a winner, it’s because you are a rags-to-riches success story of hard work and grit. If your hard work and grit didn’t make you a winner, it’s because you’re a loser and you didn’t win hard enough. And don’t let survivor bias and hindsight bias diminish the sweetness (or bitterness) of your victory or loss. Winners know that the Universe itself is forced to reward positive thoughts with winning. It’s the laws of quantum physics, because that’s what winners have decided to believe.

Winners Always Read About Winning Strategies Of Other Winners

Winners quote Good To Great and Built To Last because those are stories written about winners. They read every article about the surprising strategies of winners. And they put ALL of the strategies from ALL the articles into action. They make sure they put in the extra hours but get enough sleep, while keeping a regular routine and shaking things up to avoid being in a rut. They never miss a chance to network, but they’re at home with the family every night. They have unshakeable faith and certitude, and always the right answers, because winners don’t need experience to teach them things.

Aren’t you glad you read all the way to the end of this and now you know how to be a winner? Of course you are! You have read this, therefore you’re a winner. If you’re not, you don’t belong here, move along now!

Note: this article is a parody of the appealing, but substanceless, “success literature” industry and their marketing. My advice: Don’t succumb to their siren song. Be deliberate and examine your plans, actions, and outcomes in search of continuous self-improvement.

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Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win. - Sun Tzu